A Downward Spiral
by Widkama
Summary: Rory has lost her best friend in the entire world and she is now on a path of self destruction. She doesn't want help from her family or Logan. Worst of all, she resents her baby brother. Non one can help. No one can understand; or maybe someone can. Can an unexpected savior help save Rory from herself? COMPLETE!
1. The Catalyst

**AN:Okay So this is extremely different from my other Rory/Finn story. This one is not a fluffy and may contain a little darker themes. If you crave happy fluffy stories, this is not the story for you. If you choose to read this story you have to bear with me, it will be a little sad in the beginning, but it will get better. I'm sorry but this first chapter may upset some of you, but it had to be done. I will judge on the feedback whether or not I continue the story.  
This story is launched from an AU point. I will try my best to remain true to as many characters as I can, but the nature of the story will have them scting different than they did in the show.  
** **Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore girls or any of the characters.**

Her heart felt like it had stop beating all together. Somehow she made it out of the car, but no further than that. Her mind was screaming at her to move, but her body felt numb and it had nothing to do with the winter rain.

She was aware of all the people that were now surrounding her. They were asking her questions she couldn't answer; questions she didn't _want_ to answer. She recognized some of the voices, but couldn't actually see any of their faces.

All she could see was the mangled mess in front of her. Twisted metal and shattered glass covered the road while the smell of burning rubber filled the air; she felt like she was going to be sick.

She suddenly felt a hand on her back; whoever it belonged to was currently guiding her in the direction of the chaos. When she finally realized this she put up a little resistance. She didn't want to see; she didn't want to know.

She was not, in fact, led to the mangled remains of the Jeep, but instead to an ambulance that she had not realized had even arrived. Before she could protest she was being lifted in to the ambulance and the doors were shut behind her.

There she was; Lorelai Victoria Gilmore; her best friend, her rock, her mom. There was no stopping it; Rory began to cry uncontrollably at the sight of her bloodied mother. She had a large gash along the side of her face, a dark bruise forming along her jaw, and busted lip. Rory was sure there were many more injuries under her mom's clothes, but she couldn't fathom even trying to imagine the severity of them right now. Especially seeing as her mom was 6 months pregnant. She didn't want to know what may have happened to her baby brother.

As her vision blurred with tears she heard her mom's voice. "Hey kid," it was barely a whisper.

"Mom?" Rory moved closer ignoring the paramedic on the other side of the gurney. "Mom, I'm right here. They're going to take you to the hospital. You're going to be okay mom." He voice cracked at that last sentence.

Lorelai lifted a scraped up hand and reached for Rory's hand. "Honey, whatever happens, to me or the baby, everything will be okay. You will be ok…"

"No mom. You're going to be fine. Caleb is going to be fine. You will bo…" she lost her sentence in her sobs. She brought her mom's hand up to her cheek. "You have to be fine, mom. You cannot leave me. I cannot make it without you."

When her mom spoke again her voice was a little louder, "Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, I do not want to hear you talk like that. Whatever happens, you have to be strong. I need you to be strong for Luke, for Caleb, for mom and dad, and especially for yourself." Talking clearly was a hard task at the moment for her.

Rory summoned all the strength she had to lift her gaze to meet her mom's eyes. She could see that her mom was resisting the urge to cry. Too bad she wasn't as strong. A few wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

She rode the remainder of the ride in silence holding on to her mom's hand for dear life. Before she knew it the ambulance had come to a stop and the paramedics where opening the back doors.

As Rory climbed out of the vehicle she saw Luke and Logan pull up in front of her. Luke had been in the car, but he hadn't been on the side that was hit. He still looked like he could use a doctor. He had a cut just above his eyebrow that looked to be a good 3 inches long. He also had several bruises covering the rest of his face.

Logan started to walk towards her but she was too concerned with where they were taking her mother. She turned and followed the paramedics into the hospital.

Nurses showed up and a bunch of information was being exchanged. Rory knew she ought to listen to what was being said, but she was too focused on her mom. "Mom, I love you. You will be okay, okay?" She felt more tears flowing down her cheeks.

"I love you too, kid" her mom replied before a doctor said something that caught them both off guard.

"Emergency C-section," the doctor, who Rory didn't even see arrive, said to the two nurses at his side.

The gurney immediately started to roll away, and Rory felt a pair of hands wrap around her shoulders holding her back from following.

"Wait! That's my mother!" She turned around to see the apologetic face of the paramedic holding her. "Please. _Please_ , I have to go back with her. She needs me. I _have_ to be with her. She needs me. Please." Her pleas quickly turned into uncontrollable sobs.

She felt a different pair of arms wrap around her in a tight hug. Through her tears she was just barely able to make out Luke's face. "Lu-Luke th-th-they took her b-back for an emergency C-section. Th-they w-won't let me b-back."

Luke didn't say anything; he just held her a little tighter until her sobs quieted.

They were all ushered to the surgery waiting room. Shortly after her arrival, Rory's grandparents and Christopher showed up.

Everyone was nervously waiting for anyone to tell them anything on Lorelai's progress. Was she okay? Was Caleb okay? What was taking so long? No one spoke. Richard was holding Emily, Christopher was pacing the room and Rory was sitting on the sofa flanked my Luke and Logan.

After what felt like hours, the doctor finally made his appearance. Rory immediately jumped up to walk toward him. She didn't have to ask the question; it was etched in her face.

"Mr. Danes?" he asked looking around the room.

Luke appeared at Rory's side.

"You son has been born; 4lbs. 2oz." There was no joy in his voice. Something you would usually expect from a doctor telling a man he has a son. "He is in the NICU right now."

"Wh-what about my mom?" Rory interjected.

The doctor's eyes darted to all the occupants of the room. "She had a lot of internal bleeding. Once the baby was delivered we made every effort to stop the bleeding, but she had lost more blood than we anticipated. I'm so sorry, but we were not able to save her."

Rory couldn't move. She heard her grandmother cry out for her daughter; she heard her grandfather's consoling words. Someone was touching her but she didn't care to know who. All she knew was her mom had died.

Her mom had died.


	2. Her Eyes

**AN: Okay this is they last chapter of development. The story will start to pick up. This chapter is not as long as I hoped it to be, but I didn't want to get too wordy. Please let me know what you think so far.**

It had been 3 months since the car accident in January that took Rory's mom away from her. Rory had made every effort to resume her regular routine, but everything she did, everything she owned, reminded her of her mom.

She tried desperately to move past the hurt and see the joys she still had; but everything she thought about still made her think about how she had lost her mom.

Luke had lived because her mom had insisted upon driving that night. He just couldn't put his foot down when it came to her. Caleb survived because the doctors had focused on him instead of saving Lorelai. She knew it was wrong to resent a baby, but if the doctors had just tried to save Lorelai first then maybe Rory would have both her mom _and_ her brother. She knew that she was a horrible person for thinking that way, but she just desperately missed her mom.

At first, Rory had continued to go to school, but she was never full present in her classes; and her work began to get terribly sloppy. By early February she had completely stopped attending her classes. Her grandfather had requested a temporary leave for her hoping that she would have enough time to get better mentally and start back up in the fall.

Since she had to move out of her dorm her grandparents offered her to stay in the pool house. She spent most of her days in bed hiding from the world. Whenever she woke up she would begin her binge drinking. Alcohol was the only way to numb the pain she felt.

Rory was often visited by her family and friends from Stars Hollow. They'd be short visits, but she never denied a visitor.

The first time she met Caleb was shortly after she stopped school. He had been in the NICU up until then. Luke had come over so Rory could meet her brother and her grandparents could meet their grandson; Caleb Richard Danes.

"Strong name," her grandpa boasted.

"He is so handsome. Good thing he got the Gilmore looks." Her grandmother's backhanded comment didn't go unnoticed by Luke.

"He has Lorelai's eyes and my chin and nose," Luke retorted. Emily didn't respond.

It was Rory's turn to hold him. When she looked into his eyes she broke down. They were exactly like her mom's; their mom's. She had hastily handed her brother back to Luke and locked herself in the pool house.

After that day she retreated even further from everyone, rejecting anyone who had tried to come see her. She had also picked up some more mind numbing habits to help her 'deal' with her pain. She had met a drug dealer who would sell her pot and Xanax. She spent most of her days high out of her mind, and avoided any contact with her old life.

Logan had begun to worry about her behavior. So much so that he started coming over at least once a day to try to get her to go somewhere. He had also often recruited their friends to help him in his quest.

Today he was trying to convince her to go to Stephanie's birthday party.

"Rory, I think it would help if you got out and saw your friends." Logan had used this line desperately for the past 3 months.

Rory had absentmindedly listened to him before, but today was different. Today was supposed to be the day that her mom was supposed to deliver Caleb; April 20th. They had made detailed plans of what would happen. They had set everything up; the overnight bag, the spare keys (in case her mom misplaced the original set), the car seat, and Caleb's come-home outfit; but she wasn't going to deliver today.

Rory was steadily getting angrier the more Logan tried to convince her. "Logan would you just shut up already," she finally snapped. "I am so sick of you trying to get me to go out. Can't you see that I have no interest in parties or seeing friends? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Tears started streaming down her face. This was a regular occurrence with her now.

Logan, who had been sitting on the chair across from her, got up and moved to sit right next to her. "Ace, you know I hate to see you like this. I just want to help."

"Maybe I don't want your help."

"Ace." There was a tone of desperateness in his voice. "Ace, I know this has all been hard on you, but…"

Rory stood suddenly. "You have no idea how hard this is on me, Logan. How dare you try to pretend you do? My mom was my everything, and now she is gone. You have no clue how much it hurts me just to exist without her." She walked to the door and jerked it open. "You need to leave now," she demanded.

Logan looked like he was going to fight her, but he got up from the couch and headed to the door.

"Oh and Logan," she said softly.

"Yes, Ace?" he asked hopefully.

"Please don't come back."


	3. Need a Ride

**AN: I've gotten some good reviews so far. I hope y'all continue to enjoy the story. Let me know what you think.**

"No I haven't heard from her. No one has heard from her." It had been four weeks since Rory had asked him to leave and not come back. He had tried calling her several times the following week, but she just ignored his calls. Even when he called from other phones, it was like she could sense it was him.

Logan had even tried confronting Emily and Richard about her, but even they had asked him to stop coming over.

"We need her to heal, Logan." Emily had come to the door after the maid let her know he was at it. "If she doesn't want you around, we must respect her wishes. As much as I want my granddaughter to get better I cannot push her. She has lost her mother. There is no way I can ask her to just get over that."

Logan had left at Emily's request. He knew there was no sense trying to fight her. He didn't, however, stop trying to think of ways to help her.

He was currently at the bar with Colin, Finn, and Stephanie. "I did all I could, but she didn't respond to anything. Last time I saw her she was spending her savings on drugs." Logan rested his head in his hands. "I did everything to try to help her; to fix what was going on."

"That's your problem, mate," Finn suddenly spoke up, "you can't fix it."

Logan gave him a confused look. "Finn what are you going on about?"

Finn stood from his seat. "She's not a trinket you can glue back together. She's a person who is very broken on the inside. She needs time."

"She's had plenty of time, Finn. She needs to get back out there, get back to school. That's the only way she'll be fixed. I understand the need to mourn but now she's just wallowing in her sorrow."

"Wow Logan, tad harsh don't you think?" Stephanie chimed in.

"She lost her mom for Christ's sakes," Colin added.

Logan ran his fingers through his hair. "Look I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, but people lose their parents every day. It's not that I think she should just wake up and be happy, but she should at least make an effort."

Logan, Colin, and Stephanie continued their conversation; none of them realized that Finn had left the bar.

* * *

Finn took a giant gulp of air once he made it outside. It had taken every bit of his self-control to not take a swing at Logan. He had really pissed Finn off. Who the fuck did he think he was? How the fuck could he just down-play Rory's loss? Of course Logan wouldn't understand; he had never loss anyone close to him. Hell if he'd lost one of his parents he'd probably be relieved.

How would he know if she was making an effort or not? No one knows what goes on in people's heads. She could be trying her best, but sometimes that's just not enough.

Finn made his way down the street. He contemplated calling a cab, but decided not to. He felt the need to walk off some of his anger.

By the time he made it back to his apartment it was 4:00am. He hadn't planned on getting back that late, but he had gotten lost in his thoughts and ended up on the other side of town.

When he got to his apartment he found that the door was open slightly. He could hear two people shouting inside. He hung back in the hallway.

"I cannot fucking, believe you would ask me such a ridiculous question. Are you stupid?" That was Logan's voice.

"I didn't come here to be insulted." That was Rory's. What was she doing here this late? "I thought given our history you would help."

"Why the hell would I want to help you continue to hurt yourself?"

"I'm not hurting myself. I'm trying to feel better. I hurt when I'm sober. The only time I almost don't hurt is when I have my stuff."

"You're pathetic, Rory. You are not the girl I thought you were. The girl I fell in love with. The girl I loved would have toughed this out. She would beat this depression." Logan's voice dripped with disgust.

After a long moment of silence Rory finally spoke, "The girl you knew is gone." Her voice was a barely audible whisper.

"I guess she is."

Finn had just enough time to not look like a creeper before Rory came through the door. She made brief eye contact with Finn before heading towards the elevator. Without thinking Finn hastily took after her. "Rory, wait."

She probably wouldn't have stopped if the elevator wasn't the only way down from their level. "What do you want Finn?"

Finn didn't let her aggressive tone bother him. "How did you get here?"

She didn't answer right away. He could tell she was becoming increasingly frustrated at the speed of the elevator. It didn't help either that they were on the 10th floor. After another few seconds of silence she finally answered, "I've been here since 11:00. I took the bus. Logan didn't get home until an hour ago."

 _Seriously?_ Fin thought to himself. _What kept him out that late?_ "Would you like a ride home?"

The elevator finally arrived and the two of them stepped in.

"Finn, I'm fine. I'll just walk to the nearest 24hr diner and wait it out until the buses start up again. It's Saturday so they should start around 9:00am."

"Oh sure, luv, I'm going to let you sit alone in a diner when I am perfectly capable of taking you home. Not gonna happen."

"Finn…"She tried to object, but he cut her off.

"End of discussion, Rory." He guessed his tone finally got through to her, because she didn't try to object again.

They made it out of the building and to Finns car. Once seated, they took off.

After a few minutes of silent driving, Finn heard Rory's stomach growl. "Are you hungry, luv?"

She glance at him, "A bit, but I can wait until I get home."

"Nonsense, I know a great diner about 3 blocks away."

"Finn, really I can wait." Rory's voice had a sense of pleading to it.

"Rory, that's two hours away. It won't hurt us to stop and eat. Especially since neither of us has probably eaten since 11:00." He offered her a soft smile.

"I don't have much money." She looked at her hand with embarrassment.

"It's on me, luv. No arguments," he added when he saw she was about to protest.

She quietly nodded her head and looked out the window.


	4. Chocolate Chip Waffle

**AN:Okay, I finally got this chapter done. I wanted to acknowledge something someone commented on. I know it seems like Rory is being a bitch to Logan, and she is, but you have to remember, grief can change people, especially when you lose someone that you were so close to. There are other reasons that Rory is so upset, but they will not come to light for another few chapters. Please let me know how you all like this chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

Finn had taken her to a small diner called Jody's. It was a small mom and pop joint that was open 24hrs. Finn led her to a booth in the far back of the restaurant away from the rest of the diner's customers.

As soon as they were seated a waitress in a lime green dress appeared at their table. She was an older woman, maybe late 40's early 50's. Her voice was rough from what was probably years of a smoking habit, if the pack poking out of her apron was anything to go by.

"Hi kids, my name is Joan, I will be taking care of you tonight. What would you like to drink?"

Both of them ordered water, and Finn went ahead and placed a food order for the two of them. Usually Rory would have been insulted by this kind of action, but now she was just grateful not to have to make a decision.

Joan brought them their waters and left the table again. For a while neither of them speaks, but Rory finally breaks the silence, "did Logan ask you to look after me?" Her tone is a little harsher than she would prefer, but she doesn't care at the moment.

Finn doesn't respond right away. In fact he doesn't look of from the table. He's playing with his spoon. Finally, after a couple of minutes, he looks up at her. "Fuck Logan," is all he says and then he looks back at the table.

She's slightly stunned by his words. "What?"

He looks back at her, "fuck Logan. He's a fucking asshole."

Rory wonders what Logan has done to piss Finn of this much. She's never actually seen Finn mad before. Before she has a chance to say anymore Finn starts talking.

"Look Rory, I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, a friendly ear, I'm here for you." His voice is soft, almost sad.

Rory didn't know what to say, so she just nodded.

Thankfully the Joan came back with their food. She placed, in front of Finn, a large plate of eggs, sausage, hash browns, and toast. In front of her Joan placed a plate with a single chocolate chip waffle with whipped cream on top.

She looked up at Finn who was softly smiling at her. "I know you're probably not starving, people rarely are when they are grieving, but from what I remember, you're a fan of the more unhealthy foods. I thought that maybe you'd at least have a couple of bites."

Rory couldn't help the soft smile that forms on her lips. "Thanks" she says quietly as she starts to pour syrup on her waffle.

They eat in a surprisingly comfortable silence, each of them taking turns stealing glances at the other. Finn cleaned his plate while Rory only managed half of her waffle. Finn was right, her appetite had severely decreases over these few months.

Finn waited until the plates were clear before he started talking again. "So are you ready to go home, or do you want some coffee or something?"

Rory flinched at his offer of coffee. It was stupid to get so upset over a beverage, but her and her mom's lives had revolved around coffee for so long. They had once gone to the store and bought several different brands of coffee so they could try them all. They wanted find out which one they truly liked best. It had taken them an entire week to find the perfect brew which had turned out to be the one they had already been drinking.

She shook her head, "I actually haven't drunk coffee for a while."

Finn gave her a dramatized look of shock. "Rory Gilmore, has not had a cup of coffee in months? Are you sure you are who you say you are? I call pod person." He smiled "Maybe possession? Should I get a priest?"

Rory found herself smiling again, this time a little wider. It felt so foreign to her. But a moment later the smile was gone. "Finn, can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

She struggled to get her words out, "Ho-how come you have...haven't asked me if I'm okay. Or asked me how I am at all? Those are usually the first questions I get ask nowadays."

Finn was quiet for a moment before he started speaking. "Well, luv, that's because I know you are not okay. I know that right now, for you, nothing seems like it will ever be okay ever again." He ran his fingers through his hair. He looked upset about something. "And I don't ask 'how are you', because I know that there are no words to describe the amount of sadness and pain you are feeling. I understand what you are going through. I wouldn't want to try to make you get over it, nor dwell on it. I just want you to know that I am here for you."

Finn sounded like he was talking from experience. For a moment Rory wanted to know what his tragedy was. If only to understand the complication that has always been Finn Morgan. Maybe it would get her mind off he own tragedy for a little while.

Finn's voice interrupted her train of thought suddenly. "Do you want me to take you home, luv?"

Rory didn't want to go home, but she knew that she needed to. She nodded her head and began to get up. Finn followed her out of the booth and headed to the front to pay.

When they made it outside Rory saw that the sun was starting to rise. "Um, Finn?" The tome of her voice was a bit more urgent than she wanted it to.

He turned and looked at her. She could see the slight hint of concern in his eyes. "What's up, luv?"

"Um, well," How was she supposed to ask this without sounding desperate, pathetic or weird? "Well, see, the thing is, it is Saturday, and if I go home my grandma is going to attempt to get me to do something with her. She doesn't know that I haven't been there. Not that I'm under her rule, but she does let me live there for free, but she, like everyone else, is trying to make me 'better' and I'm not in the mood to do anything, especially since I haven't slept, and…"

Finn laughed as he raised his hand to signal her to stop talking. "Rory, if you want to, you are more than welcome crash at my place."

She smiled again, "Thanks Finn."

 **AN: Oh and Finn has his own past tragedy that will unfold throughout the chapters.**


	5. Madison

**AN: I know it took too long to update, but school has got me overwhelmed. That along with my sister's surgery pulled me away from my creativeness for a period of time. I'm hoping to get back on track and at least post once a week. I won't make a promise because I don't know if I can keep it.  
I'm also going to start adding date to the top of each chapter so y'all can get a sense of the time line. **

**Chapter one took place on January 22, 2005; Chapter two was clearly stated with in the chapter But to clarify, it was April 20, 2005. Chapter three was May 20, 2005 and Both chapters 4 and 5 are May 21,2005.**

 **May 21st 2005 (Saturday Afternoon)**

When Rory woke up she panicked at first, not recognizing her surroundings. After a couple of moments she calmed down remembering where she was. She had stayed at Finn and Logan's last night.

Finn had allowed her to sleep in his bed so that she wouldn't be seen by Logan. It wasn't that she was avoiding Logan, but she knew it would start a huge fight if he found out that she had come back to the apartment with Finn.

As she sat up she was amazed to find that her body felt well rested. She had not had a decent night's sleep in a long time.

She looked around the room, her gaze falling on the now empty, oversized chair where Finn had slept last night. She tried to convince him to let her sleep on the chair so he could sleep in his own bed, but he stubbornly insisted that she take the bed.

Hearing the shower through the door on the other side of the room she assumed it was where Finn had disappeared to. She decided to take this time to examine her surroundings. She crawled off the bed and started at the wall farthest from the bathroom door.

Finn's room was large, but very cozy. There were dozens of pictures covering the walls, family and friends she guessed. A large bookshelf stood in the corner so over-stacked with books it looked like it was ready to topple. Through the agonizing weight in her chest she felt a warm flutter.

Through everything it still made her happy to see mass amounts of books and that someone got joy from reading them. She hadn't read a book since before the accident, but she still took care of her paper friends.

She continued to make her way around the room, admiring the touches of Australia that were hidden among his belongings. Across from the bed was his dresser. On it various items were scattered; a very expensive looking watch, men's cologne, what looked like Australian currency, and a framed photo of a very pretty girl and Finn.

Rory picked the framed picture up and studied it. Finn looked younger, maybe 16 or 17; the girl he was hugging looked to be the same age. She had long, dark, brown hair and bright blue eyes that seemed to sparkle. In the picture Finn looked genuinely happy. While she hadn't been very close to Finn over the years, she had notice that if he wasn't drunk, he wasn't smiling.

Rory got so caught up looking at the photograph that she hadn't realized the shower had turned off and she was no longer the only occupant in the room.

"Her name is Madison." Finn's voice sounded behind her suddenly, making her jump. She turned around to find a face him, immediately wishing she hadn't.

Finn was wearing nothing but a halfheartedly, wrap towel around his waist. She dropped her gaze back to the picture; her face grew warm from a blush she was sure he would notice. He made his way around her, pulled open one of the dresser drawers, and grabbed what looked like a pair of sweatpants.

"Don't turn around," he warned as she heard the sound of the towel dropping to the floor.

She trained her eyes on the picture in her hands, trying hard not to picture the scene going on behind her. "Who was she?" Her voice came out uneven.

He made his way back in front of her. "You can look up now." He was now wearing the pair of sweatpants he had grabbed and a plain black t-shirt. "She was my twin sister," his voice was filled with what sounded like joy and sadness.

"I didn't know you had a twin," Rory felt stupid the second the words left her mouth. Of course she didn't know he had a twin; she never took the time to get to know Finn. All she knew was the drunken stories she had heard from the members of the LDB, and the times she had actually witnessed his drunken shenanigans.

As if he could read her mind, he replied, "Don't worry, not many people outside my family knew." He made his way back to the over-sized arm chair and sat.

Rory followed his lead and sat on the bed across from him. "How come?" She regretted her stupidity again; he obviously would have told her if it was any of her business. "I'm sorry Finn. I of all people should know not to pry."

"No need to be sorry, luv," his voice was soft. "Curiosity is a basic human trait." He moved to sit beside her on the bed. "Madison was my sister, my best friend, my everything."

It didn't escape Rory's attention that he was talking about her in the past tense, but she chose not to say anything. "Like my mom was to me," she said instead.

He nodded. "This picture," he gestured to the fame in her hands, "was taken on our seventeenth birthday. We were in our senior year and had both planned on attending Yale when we graduated. Of course the only reason I was even going to college was because she demanded it. The only reason I ever did anything other than laze around was because she demanded it. She was my queen and I wanted nothing but to see her happy." A sort of sorrow-filled longing passed over his face.

Rory opened her mouth to ask a question but closed it immediately. She wasn't about to push him like everyone had pushed her by drudging up hurtful memories.

Again, as it he could read her thoughts he spoke her minds words, "It's okay. You can ask what happened to her." He let out a long breath. "She died. Not too long after that picture was taken actually. "

Rory looked back at the picture. She was so young. Seventeen years was a short life. She felt the pain of her own loss along with Finn's overwhelm her as tears threatened to spill; she took deep breaths to calm her nerves. She felt Finn's arms wrap around her and pull her to his chest. She relinquished her control and let the tears flow.

She had always felt good after a good cry, but she had usually locked herself away from others during these moments. She didn't like how visibly uncomfortable Logan looked when she cried, like he had never seen a person cry before. She didn't like to cry around her grandparents because it usually caused them to be quite upset. No, she had decided that is was best if she cried alone.

But Finn seemed different. Instead of recoiling or becoming upset too, he just held her. He didn't try to calm her down but saying 'it'll be okay', or 'you will make it through this'; he just held her quietly.

When she calmed down enough she spoke again, "I'm so sorry Finn."

He pulled her away from his chest and cupped her cheek with his hand. "You have nothing to be sorry for, luv. We are all being trampled by this thing called life. I shouldn't have said anything. I know that everything with your mom is far too fresh in your head." His thumb softly whipped away the tears that covered her face. "Why don't I take you to get some lunch and then I'll take you home?"

Rory's first instinct was to deny, but her stomach had grumbled at the word lunch which changed her answer to a nod of agreement.

Finn smiled, "Good. Let me go make sure Logan is not hovering outside and then we'll head out."


	6. Dinner with the Gilmores

**AN: Sorry for the wait. I hope you all like this chapter. We will, see a further bonding happen here. Please let me know what you think.**

After lunch Finn had taken Rory back to her grandparent's house. The second he drove off Rory's mood dropped. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about spending time with Finn that had made her feel a little less broken.

Once inside the house Rory was immediately intercepted by her grandmother.

"Rory, oh my God, Rory," her grandma grabbed her and held her at arm's length, examining her from head to toe. "Where have you been? I went to check on you last night and you weren't in the pool house. I tried to call you, but your cellphone was off."

Rory suddenly felt even worse. "I'm sorry grandma. I went out to dinner with a friend. It got late so he let me crash on his couch." She didn't like to lie to her grandmother like this, but it's not like she could tell her grandma she went to ask Logan for money to pay off her drug dealer and then slept in another boy's bed.

"You were out with a friend?" The look on Emily Gilmore's face was hopeful. Rory had overheard her grandmother's concerns voiced to her grandfather many times. Emily was seriously worried that her granddaughter would never be happy again; and it was a great possibility.

Finn was the first person that Rory had spent time with outside of her family and Logan. In fact He was the first person she wasn't forced to spend time with.

"Yes grandma I," She was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. Since was the closest to it she turned and opened the door. On the other side of the door Finn was standing with a soft smile. "Finn, what are you doing back here?"

"Finn, Finn Morgan?" Emily's voice sounded behind Rory. "As is Veronica Morgan's grandson?"

Finn shifted his gaze to Emily, "The one and only," he said with a kind smile. He turned his attention back to Rory, "I forgot to give you my number." He handed her a piece of paper with his number scribbled on it. "I know last night was just a chance meeting, but it was nice to talk to you, and I hope we can do it again."

Rory felt confused. From the way he sounded he was the broken one who needed help and not her. She took the number and offered him a smile. "Thanks, Finn."

As Finn turned to leave Rory heard her grandmother's voice again, "Oh Mr. Morgan, would you like to join us for dinner tonight? It would be so nice to have one of Rory's friends in our company."

Finn glanced at Rory before answering, "Thank you so much, Mrs. Gilmore, for the offer, but I am expected at my own grandmother's for dinner tonight."

Emily nodded, "Yes, yes of course. I remember that Veronica likes to have the whole family over on Saturdays. Well, how about tomorrow night?"

Again, Finn looked at Rory. "If Rory doesn't mind my company at the table, I would be delighted."

Now both Finn and her grandmother were looking at her for an answer. "I don't mind if Finn joins us tomorrow night."

"Well this it's settled," Emily said with a smile stretched across her face, "Tomorrow night you will join us for dinner. How does 7:00pm sound?"

After they all said their goodbyes Emily went to the kitchen to plan dinner with the cook and Rory made her way out to the pool house. She was feeling a little overwhelmed; she hadn't expected Finn to come back to the house, let alone be invited for dinner. In truth, she didn't know how she felt about having him over, but didn't want to be rude and say no. Had it been Logan or Lane she would have just said no; but Finn had bought her not only lunch earlier that day, but dinner the night before.

When she got into the pool house she went straight to her bed and crawled under the covers. She tried to go to sleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about how comfy Finn bed was. Not just the physical feel of the bed, but how she had not had any nightmares.

Since the accident she hadn't slept through the night without waking up crying at least twice a night. She had slept quite nicely at Finn's. She had even forgotten that it was also Logan's place too.

She didn't feel comfortable in Logan's bed anymore. She didn't know if this was because she was irritated with Logan, or if she just didn't feel comfortable around him anymore; but she knew that the nights she had tried to stay in his bed she hadn't gotten any sleep.

Rory fell in and out of sleep until dinner time. She had managed to pull herself out of bed to join her grandparents for dinner, but she headed right back to bed after the plates were cleared. Her grandma and told her grandpa all about how she had spent time with a friend and how that friend was coming for dinner tomorrow night. This bit of news had her grandpa smiling. She knew that her grandparents wanted nothing more than to see her happy again. She only wished it was as simple as having a friend for dinner.

* * *

Sunday morning and afternoon flew by fast. Before Rory realized it, the dining room table was being set for 4 instead of its usual 3. Emily had made somewhat of a fuss with the dinner selection, deciding that having a guest was a bigger deal than it really was. After much deliberation, she had settled on an Italian dinner.

The dinner menu consisted of antipasto salad, minestrone soup, chicken scaloppini, homemade bread sticks, and tiramisu. Emily had even asked the cook to whip up some biscotti for coffee after dinner.

Rory understood the reasons for her grandma's actions, but she wasn't quite ready for it all. Finn was just a friend, a recently made friend more specifically, and she didn't need all this fuss being made over him.

Dinnertime arrived quicker than it would have on any other night. Finn had arrived promptly at 7:00pm with a bottle of expensive white wine in hand. This had Emily singing praises at what a wonderfully well-mannered young man he was. Her praises continued through dinner as Finn displayed his impeccable table manners and his fine-tuned skill in the art of conversation.

Rory had learned a lot about Finn that she didn't know. He was majoring in psychology (which surprised her, because she never took him for a psychological kind of guy), he amazingly had a 3.79 (this surprised her more, seeing as most of the times she saw him at school he was drunk out of his mind), his family had actually lived here for generations, but had spent every summer and holiday in Australia, and his family had known her family for years (this confused her, because she had never met them at any of the Gilmore dinner parties).

"How is your mother doing?" Emily asked, "We haven't seen her since before Rory was born."

"She's well," Finn replied with a shrug. The subtle smile that had been on his face throughout the meal had suddenly vanished. "She actually lives in Australia now. She and my father split a few years ago, and she felt like the space was best."

Rory couldn't help but hear the tinge of sadness in his voice. It was obvious that her grandparents hadn't noticed, because they continued to question him relentlessly. By the time the dessert was served, Rory felt like she had learned his entire life's story. Her grandparents had asked every question imaginable, from grades to family, even whether or not he was dating anyone. She did, however, notice that they had not asked a single question regarding Madison. They probably knew what had happened, or knew of it.

After dessert the four of them moved to the sitting room where Richard took over the conversation with talk about the insurance business; how he had helped Finn's father when he first came to town, and how he could help Finn with any business endeavors he may want to pursue in the future.

After another hour of shop talk from Richard, and more life-prying questions from Emily, Rory's grandparents retired for the night leaving her alone with Finn. They sat in silence for a while, neither of them looking at the other.

"I'm sorry," they both finally said in unison.

Finn looked confused, "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for my insane grandparents and the third degree the subjected you to. What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way." His eyes lock on hers. "I didn't mean to cause such a big deal when I came back yesterday. I just enjoyed talking to you and felt that maybe if you were up for it, maybe we could meet up for lunch or dinner again. Honestly, you are the first person I have been able to talk to about Madison. I liked it. It felt good to get some of it out." His voice broke when he said his sister's name.

Rory felt the need to look away from his intense gaze, but found she was unable to. "It's not your fault that my grandma is overzealous. Emily Gilmore can get a little intense when it comes to, well, when it comes to just about everything."

He just smiled in reply.

Rory continued, "But to answer you're your unasked question, I wouldn't mind joining you for lunch or dinner one of these days. I enjoyed talking to you too."

Finn smiled grew a little wider, but his eyes continued to look sad. "I would like that very much." He stood from his spot on the couch; he had been sitting opposite of her with the coffee table in between them. "I guess I should be going. I have an early class tomorrow."

Rory got up and walked him to the door. "Thanks Finn, for being a good friend and enduring the Gilmores."

"No problem, luv. They weren't _that_ bad. My family could give them a run for their money." Again, she could see hidden sadness behind his eyes.

Before he left he leaned in and gave her a hug and to her immense surprise, she returned it. As stupid as it sounded she hadn't hugged or been hugged in months. The last person to hug her was Luke in the hospital, and the last person she had hugged was her mom, before she had gotten in the car. As she thought about it she felt tears prick the backs of her eyes. Unconsciously she tightened her arms around Finn, and he returned the gesture.

Neither of the spoke; they just stood there, holding each other, like they were trying to prevent the other from falling apart.


	7. A Bit of Improvement

**AN: Okay so my goal was to actually have this up last week. I didn't get it finished because my muse thinks it's funny to abandon me. I hope this chapter doesn't suck too much. I feel like parts of it are rough. But I still hope you like it.**

 **Please let me know what you think.**

* * *

 **August 19, 2005 (Friday)**

The weeks passed and Rory was slowly feeling less sad. She had her good days and her bad days, but there was slowly becoming more good than bad. She wouldn't go so far as to say she was happy, but she was better. She could even stand to be around her family; sometimes she found herself seeking out their company. She had even started to meet up with Luke and her bother once a week in Stars Hollow.

It was hard the first time she met up with them; Caleb looked so much like their mother that it was almost painful to look at him. Rory had felt herself losing it, but luckily Finn was with her and able to calm her down. She had asked him to come so that he could be there in case she needed him. She was glad he had accepted the invitation. Finn had a weird calming effect on her. All it really took from him was a reassuring hand squeeze and she was able to calm down. She knew that if he was there with her she would be okay.

After the first time it became easier to see Luke and Caleb, and she was soon able to visit them without Finn's attendance; though she never minded if he wanted to tag along.

She had notice that Finn was becoming a permanent fixture in her life. Not that she was complaining; quite the contrary. She like that she had someone who knew what she was feeling, someone who wasn't telling her she needed to move on, but reassuring her that it was okay to feel what she was feeling.

Finn had even encouraged her to seek help for her alcohol and drug dependence. "I know it seems like a pot calling the kettle black, but depending on any substance to get you through your day is not good," he told her one day.

She had ended up joining a personal loss support group. They met every Monday and with the combined support of the group and Finn she had been able to stay away from the bottle and the pipe.

After the Sunday dinner at her grandparent's, Rory and Finn had started their own weekly meal tradition. Every Friday they would go out to lunch together and just talk. He never pressured her to talk about feelings; in fact he would do most of the talking. She would listen to his stories about his summer job or stories about his childhood or just what he wished to do with his future. No matter what he talked about Rory would find it interesting.

Today, like every other Friday, they were at their favorite little bistro that was just a couple miles away from her grandparent's house. Finn had always made it a point to stay close to her home just in case she felt a breakdown approaching.

It had happened the second time they went out. They were at Jody's, the diner she and fFinn first went to, when Rory heard voice, very similar to her mother's, ranting about how coffee was liquid life. The woman had even looked very similar to Lorelai. It had taken Rory weeks to get the nerve to go back out. Finn had convinced her to come back to lunch with him by telling her that they would go someplace else and stay close to home.

Rory had ordered the same thing she always got, a turkey sandwich with kettle chips, and Finn had had made it to the fourth item on the salad menu, the grilled chicken salad with almonds and cranberries. He had vowed he would try everything on the menu. According to him, people get stuck in a loop where they say they'll try new things, but just end up doing the same thing they've always done. He was determined to start trying new things, starting with his meals.

"How's the salad?" Rory asked between bites.

Finn shrugged, "Not as good as the Caesar last week. I don't think I like cranberries in my salads." His nose crinkled as he took another bite.

She smiled. "Makes sense, remember the first salad had strawberries and blueberries and you could hardly get through it."

Finn nodded. "There are certain fruits that belong in salads, My dear friend the tomato, and ones that belong elsewhere. Berries belong in pies and jams."

Rory and Finn talked easily through the rest of their meal. Finn paid the tab and they made their way outside. She was just about ready to check this off as another incident-free day until she saw a familiar blonde walking towards them. Her stomach dropped as she made eye contact with Logan.

"Hi," she managed to squeak out when he stopped in front of them.

"Hi," he responded back.

Finn looked from her to Logan then back at her. "I have to errands to run on this block. I may be a while. Why don't you two walk and talk and I will meet you back here in an hour?"

Rory nodded. She didn't like the prospect of Finn leaving her alone with Logan, but she knew that they needed to talk.

Finn took off in one direction, while Rory and Logan took off in the other.

They walked in silence for several minutes.

Logan was the one who finally broke the silence. "So you look good."

She didn't know how to respond to that so she just nodded. The awkwardness was unbearable. She hadn't seen or talked to Logan since the night she went to ask him for drug money. It was something that she now felt very ashamed of.

When she didn't say anything, Logan continued, "So school is starting back up soon, do you think you are going to go back?"

Rory knew that people would soon start to ask her questions like this. Honestly, she wasn't ready to go back. She didn't know if she could handle the stress just yet. Finn had brought it up once or twice, but quickly changed the subject when he saw how uncomfortable the topic made her.

Seeing that Logan was waiting for an answer, she gave the most honest answer she could, "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

Logan stopped walking and turned to her. "Not ready? How can you not be ready? It's been over six months, Rory. You have to get back to your life."

Rory felt frustration build up in her chest. She thought that they were going to be able to have a peaceful conversation. "I am working on it, Logan." She was trying to keep her voice even. "I can't just flip a switch and be better."

Logan scoffed, "Oh but you're better enough to go on dates."

Confusion masked Rory's face, "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"You and Finn. Last I knew we were a couple still. I mean, we never officially broke up. Now I catch you on a date with one of my friends."

Rory felt her face grow warm from anger. She stepped towards Logan, "You know nothing about mine and Finn's relationship. He has done more to help me than anyone else. And how can you claim we are still together when neither of us has seen each other for months?" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for his reply.

Logan ran his fingers through his hair. "It's not like _you_ tried to call me or anything."

"Same to you," She bit back.

"I was waiting for you," he defended. "You are the one who kicked me out. You are the one who told me to not come back. Then you show up to my apartment asking for money, and I'm supposed to just hand it over."

Rory let out a sigh. "Look, I'll admit, I was in the wrong when I came asking for money," she said apologetically. "I'm in a program now to help me get past my using, but I will not apologize for asking you to leave. You kept trying to force me to do things that I wasn't ready to do. You kept insisting that I should just get over my mother's death and that I should be better, like I had a choice." Rory felt the tears threatening to spill. "You couldn't just be there for me. You couldn't just hold me. You wanted to fix me, to make me like I was before, but I won't ever be like I was before." The tears were flowing now. "I have lost part of my soul Logan, and I won't ever get it back. I have to learn to cope with that, but I cannot just _be_ better. It is going to take me a long time."

Logan was quite. He looked like he was processing all of what she just told him. After a few moments he spoke, "I won't lie and say I understand. I guess since I've never been through this I have no know what you are going through. But I can say that I will stop asking you to get better. While I _do_ understand that we are probably never going to be a 'we' again, I would like to try to be there for you, you know, if you ever need someone."

Rory managed a soft smile. "I'd like that."

Logan pulled her in to a hug and then stepped back. "I'll see you around Ace."

Rory watched as Logan walked away. She felt like she should be sad, upset, something that their relationship was officially over, but she wasn't. She was actually relieved that this moment was done, that she no longer had to wonder what she would say to him, or what would happen the next time she saw him.

She felt a familiar arm wrap around her shoulder. "Everything good luv?"

She nodded, "Yeah, things are getting better."


	8. Becoming Okay

**AN: WANING WARNING WARNING!  
This chapter will induce feels! **

**There, I gave a warning. This chapter was hard work. I hope you all like it. This is the second to last chapter, the next one will wrap up the rest of the story. Please let me know what you think of this chapter, please don't hate me for causing the feels.**

* * *

 **October 8, 2005 (Saturday)**

Today was the day. She had feared this day for months. Today, Rory was going to visit her mom's grave. She hadn't gone to her the funeral; at the time it was too painful. She couldn't bear to look at her mom's made up face and know that she was not just 'sleeping'.

The thought of her mom's body lying cold and unmoving in a wooden box, under the dirt, still made her uneasy, but she tried to focus on other aspects. Like that wooden box was the best money could buy.

Her grandma had argued for hours with the funeral director about what shade of mahogany the casket should be, and how the lining should be 100% real silk. She didn't care how much it cost. She threatened that if anything was off she would sway all of her friends to use a different facility for future funerals.

This thought made Rory smile. She knew her grandma meant what she said; after all, most of her friends were getting up there in age, and were more than likely planning for such things as where they would be buried after passing.

Today was Rory's birthday. She and Finn had woken up at 3:00am to drive to the Stars Hollow cemetery. Finn had insisted that he drive, claiming that he knew she wouldn't have gotten much sleep due to her nerves. He was correct.

He had originally not planned on joining her, but Rory asked if he would. He was been her best friend, her rock, her go to person.

They had grown even closer over the last couple of months. Their once a week lunch had turned into twice a week lunches and dinner together at least three times a week. They had learned a lot about each other, and every day Rory felt a little better.

What she hadn't realized at first, but slowly started to learn, was that Finn was just as broken as she had been, and he was still suffering from his past tragedy.

The anniversary of his sister's death was a month ago, September 22nd. He had pulled away for a couple of days. She had noticed, and worried that he no longer wanted to be friends with her. Maybe she was demanding too much of his time or too much of him in general.

She had gone to his apartment after the third consecutive day of not hearing from him. When he didn't answer the door, she used the key he gave her to let herself in. He had gotten his own apartment back in July, before the start of his senior year and given the key to her so she could come over and wait for him until he got home from classes.

After she entered she found him in his bedroom. He was buried under a pile of blankets, but she could still see the framed picture of Madison clutched in one of his hands. When she moved to get a view of his face she saw that he had been crying.

It hit her then; he had told her that Madison passed around this time.

She removed her shoes and dropped her purse where she stood and made her way to the bed. She lifted the three blankets he was under, and crawled into bed next to him.

His eyes cracked open when she shifted on the bed. He didn't say anything, but instead pulled her close to him as a new wave of tears erupted.

Rory wrapped her arms around him the best that she could, and pulled him even closer to her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, effectively soaking it with his tears. She didn't care.

She thought about all the times he held her as she cried; all the times she soaked the front of his shirt with tears of her own. He never seemed to care. Most of the times the harder she cried, the tighter he'd hold her.

After a while, when his tears subsided, he pulled away from her slightly. Not all the way, but just enough to look her in the eyes. "Hey luv," he said softly; his voice was rough from crying.

Rory smiled weakly. She didn't like seeing him like this. "Hey," she replied as she reached up and wiped the remainder of his tears away. Half of her wanted to ask if he was okay, but the other half knew that that was a stupid question.

As always, he knew what she was thinking. "I'm okay luv," he said after a moment. "It's just been an emotional couple of days."

Rory didn't say anything at first. She didn't know what to say. She felt stupid. All those times that he was comforting her, he knew just what to say, and she couldn't come up with something to comfort him this one time.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked sincerely.

He didn't answer right away. She assumed he didn't want to until he spoke, "Actually, I would." He moved to sit up and Rory followed suit.

She started to move to give him some space, but he wrapped his arm around her, preventing her from doing so. She allowed him to pull her close, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

He let out a long breath. "I told you that Madison was my world and that she was my reason for everything. But I didn't tell you how I lost her."

Rory felt her heart constrict. "Finn, you don't,"

"I know I don't," He interrupted, "but I want to. You have bared so much of your soul to me over these last months, and I want to be on equal grounds with you." He was silent for a moment. "It was three days after our birthday. We decided that we wanted to go out to celebrate just the two of us. She wanted to go to the New Haven end of summer fair, but I wanted to go to the cinema. She went with my idea without putting up any fight. She was always doing that. Going with my idea even if it wasn't something she cared to do. She was so thoughtful of me, even if I wasn't taking her feelings into consideration. She even agreed to see Stir of Echoes instead of trying to convince me to see American Beauty. It was all she talked about the weeks leading up to its release. She said we could get a popcorn and Sprite because she knew it was my favorite. She never complained, never argued. She was always just perfect."

He turned to face Rory. Sadness was etched on his face. She continued to stay silent.

"When we left the theater it was dark out. We had been dropped off by our driver, so we thought we'd take a walk before calling him to pick us up. We'd always make a competition out of everything. Who could get from here to there faster, eat faster, jump higher. I started to walk a little faster than her. She knew what I was doing. She knew that I was challenging her. She would always take a challenge. We began to run down the side walk. I got ahead of her. It was rare that I would win that easily."

He release Rory and leaned forward cradling his face in his hands.

"I heard her scream. I thought it was a ploy, something she would frequently do to gain the upper hand. She always screamed like she was in terrible pain and I would always fall for it and she would run past me. But I didn't that night. I ran a few more yards before turning around." His voice broke. Tears were streaming down his face. It took a moment before he was able to speak again. "Some thug wanting to prove his 'toughness' decided that Madison was the perfect target for a stab and grab. When I got to her she had already bled quite a bit. There was a shop near us where the manager called an ambulance. I held her as we waited. I did everything I learned from crime TV. I put pressure on her wound and tried my best to keep her awake. The last words she ever said to me were 'I would have beaten you'. The paramedics got there just after she closed her eyes. They did everything they could to try and save her, but it was hopeless. My favorite person in the whole world died in my arms."

He looked back at Rory.

"It was our birthday, both of ours, and she treated it like my needs were all that mattered, and I just let her. I always think about how I should have done something for _her_. Let her pick the movie, or the soda, or even just gone to the fair with her. Would it have made a difference? Would she still be here? I know that it is not good to dwell upon what could have been, but it's hard not to."

He sat up and wiped his face with his t-shirt.

He was silent for a long while and Rory thought it was an appropriate time to speak. "How do you do it?" She asked quietly.

"How do I do what?"

She was careful to word her question as gently as possible. "How to you carry on each day? How do you wake up and smile, and be the happy person that you are? Other than right now I don't think I have ever seen you sad. You are usually the life of the party."

Finn nodded, "It was a terrible thing, what happened to Madison, but I know that everything happens for a reason." His voice was sounding steadier. "It took me a long time, years, to get over it, but I had to. Madison would beat the crap out of me if all I did was dwell on the would've, could've, should'ves of that night. I realized that I was doing on honor to her memory by dwelling. I had to get better and be happy not only for me, but for Madison too. I have to live life for the both of us. Do the things that we would have done together, and enjoy them for her."

"But you still get sad," Rory stated.

"Of course I do. Every year when our birthday rolls around I feel terribly sad, obviously. I look and feel pretty much how you just found me. But I have still come a long way. I think four days of depressed dwelling is a lot better that the 3 years I spent initially getting past it all."

Rory nodded slightly. She understood what he was saying. She understood the message her was covertly sending her.

Finn had poured his soul out to Rory that day, just like she had done every day leading up to it. Rory had found out that Finn had experience something truly horrific. True she lost her mother, and true that nothing could ever diminish that fact, but she didn't have to hold her mother as she died.

All of this made her think, if Finn could go on to be as okay as he was for most of the year, then why couldn't she?

From that day she had started feeling like she could actually move on for the first time. Finn had helped her to feel better, but it was up to her to feel good, happy, and alive.

Today was the true test of her newfound state of mind. She was visiting her mom to celebrate her 21st birthday at the same time that her mom woke her up every birthday previously.

They arrived at the cemetery five till four, giving Rory enough time to find her mom's headstone. When she found it she saw that her watch read exactly 4:03am. She turned to Finn who had an arm full of daisies. He handed them to her and she knelt down and placed them in front of the words on the headstone. _Lorelai Victoria Gilmore. Beloved daughter, mother, and wife. You will always be missed. May your coffee cup never be empty._

Rory smiled. She hadn't realized that her grandparents had such humor. Knowing that her headstone wasn't just another generic slab of gray, caved rock you see in any movie, made her feel that much better.

"Hi mom," she whispered quietly. "I know it's taken me a while to come see you. I'm sure you're up there giving me your serious face, and wagging your finger at me for taking so long, but it was hard for me. It was hard to lose you. I know now that I really haven't really lost you. I miss you so much, especially at night when I can't sleep. I'm still going to think about you, but if it's okay I don't think I'm going to be as sad anymore. I think I might start going back to school soon. I'm sure you're pretty peeved at me for stopping at all. My friend Finn has helped me out a lot. He's been there for me like nobody else could. He's the only one who was ever able to get through to me. You know how stubborn I can be, I get it from you after all. You should see Caleb, he looks just like you, but he has Luke's jaw, which I think is a good thing seeing as he is a boy. I love you mom. Thank you for everything you gave to me. And I'll be sure to let Caleb know what a wonderful mom he had."

Rory didn't realize that she had been crying the whole time.

Finn kneeled by her and offered her a handkerchief from his pocket. She used it to dry her face and shoved it in her own pocket.

She didn't get up right away. She continued to sit there looking at her mother's name carved in the stone. She was still sad, but she was at peace with everything that had happened. She knew she couldn't change it, and she knew that it would continue to hurt; but she also knew that she would be able to find a way to continue going on every day.

She turned to Finn, who helped her stand to her feet. The two of them stood in front of the headstone for a few moments more before turning and leaving the cemetery.


	9. Graduation Day

**AN: Okay everyone, this is it! I have painstakingly work to make sure this chapter is amazing. I hope you all like it and are happy with the ending. Please let me know how you like it. I know a lot of you don't review, but I would like your thoughts on this chapter, or the story as a whole. I am so happy that so many of you followed my story and I can't thank you enough for the reviews that I have received. I know that I caused some feels at the beginning of this story, but I hope I have made up for it along the way.**

 **I hope to finish up one more story before starting any new ones; but keep your eyes open, because there will be more in the future.**

* * *

 **May 24, 2008 (Saturday)**

"Sissy, Sissy!" Rory could hear Caleb shouting from the audience as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. She looked towards her family and smiled. Her grandma was taking photo after photo (the Yale graduation bored refused to let her bring her own photographer; she had not been too pleased with that) while her grandpa and Luke took turns holding Caleb up so he could see, and Christopher who was barely holding back his tears.

When the ceremony was over Rory found her family in the crowd. Caleb had practically leaped out of Luke's arms when he saw her approaching. "Sissy you did it! Sissy you gaduateded."

"Graduated," Rory corrected as he picked him up. She knew that toddler talk was supposed to be cute, but she wanted her little brother to grow up with a proper vocabulary.

"That's what I said," he shot back playfully. "Daddy, sissy did it!"

Luke smiled and leaned forward to give her a kiss on the forehead. "Yes she did. We are all proud of her." he took Caleb from her in time for Christopher to wrap her in a hug.

"I'm so proud of you Ror." She could hear that he was still trying not to cry.

"Thanks dad."

When Christopher stepped aside her grandparents took their turns hugging her.

Her grandma was as poised as ever, showing no signs that she had probably cried the whole way to the ceremony. "Rory I am so proud of you. I knew that you could do it."

"Of course she could," Her grandpa's voice belted loudly, "She _is_ a Gilmore after all."

"Thanks grandpa, thanks grandma. I couldn't have done it without your support."

Richard waved his hand in dismissal. "You don't need to thank us Rory. We would happily do it again. Now, if you want to thank us for _this_ , you can." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope.

Rory took it grudgingly. "I told you guys that there was no need for gifts. You have given me so much already."

"Oh hush hush now and open the envelope," Emily said in a stern voice.

Rory tore into the envelope and pulled out the folded contents. As she unfolded the papers, she nearly dropped them. The papers were the information and deed to a condo in New York. According to the papers, the condo was paid off and in her name.

She struggled to find her voice. "I-I…Grandma, grandpa, this is far too much to accept."

Emily crossed her arms over her chest. "You certainly can, and will, accept. It is already paid for. Besides, this gift is not just from us. This gift is from your mother, and you will most certainly not decline her gift will you?"

Rory felt her heart skip a beat at the mention of her mom. "What do you mean the gift is also from mom?"

"Well, your mother had a fund set up for you," Luke explained. "She knew your goal was to make it as a reporter for the Times and she knew you would want to live in New York. So, she set aside a little money every chance she got."

"There was quite a bit in the account," Richard took over, "Your grandmother and I just supplemented the rest of the funds to get the condo. Your father and Luke also had their own hand in furnishing it."

Rory was speechless. Somehow, her mother was still being the best even though she was no longer physically here. She looked towards the man that was her father by blood and the man that was her father by choice. "You guys bought me furniture?"

Christopher nodded, "Well, I didn't know what you would like, so Luke and your friend Lane helped out. Luke bought you some appliances."

"You know, some simple kitchen gadgets that will help you make your own meals. Just because you can't cook doesn't mean you should eat out for every meal."

"But how did you know what kind of condo I would have wanted?"

"I'm afraid I'm the guilty one there, luv," she heard a familiar voice behind her. She turned and found Finn with a bouquet of daisies.

"Finny!" Caleb squealed. He managed to wiggle out of Luke's arms again and ran full speed towards Finn. "Finny, did you see sissy gaduateded?"

Finn laughed as he lifted the small boy into his arms. "I sure did. Isn't she just the smartest person in the whole world?" He whispered something in Caleb's ear and Caleb nodded enthusiastically in reply.

Finn set him on the ground and handed him bouquet. Caleb walked over to his sister and offered her the flowers. "Here you go sissy. These are from Finny and me."

Rory smiled and crouched down to accept the offering. "Why thank you Caleb." She gave him a kiss on each of his cheeks.

Finn approached her and wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Way to go luv, I knew you could do it."

Finn had managed to become a permanent fixture in Rory's life. Her grandparents, Luke and Caleb had gotten to know him quite well over the last couple years. When Luke needed a babysitter Rory would gladly volunteer for the job and Finn was usually there to help. Caleb had become like Finn's shadow. He wanted to be just like Finn and do everything Finn did.

It had been though Finn's and her grandparent's encouragement that she returned to school. She started back just before the one year anniversary of her mother's death. She had decided that it would be better to honor her mother's memory by finishing her education rather than ruining her life any further. She wished that she had been this clear minded before dropping out of school, but like her support group counselor had told her time and time again, she couldn't change what has already been done; all she could do is do her best as she moved forward.

Richard approached Finn and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "So dear boy, will you be joining us for Rory's graduation party tonight?"

"Yes sir," Finn replied with a smile. "Rory and I will be at your house after our visit to the cemetery."

Caleb looked up at Finn, "Are you and Sissy going to see mommy?"

Finn kneeled to the ground at eye level with the 3 year-old. "We sure are. Is there anything you want us to tell her when we are there?"

He looked from Finn to Rory. "Can you tell her I love her, and I hope she is happy in heaven."

While neither she nor her mom had been very religious growing up, Rory and Luke had found that being able to believe in something, helped them grieve and move past their hurt. Luke had also decided to start taking Caleb to church and said he would let him decided later in life what his own beliefs were and if he wanted to continue going to church. So far, Caleb enjoyed church and all it taught him.

Rory felt a pang in her heart for her little brother who would never fully know how wonderful his mother was. She scooped him up in a tight hug, "Of course I will."

* * *

Rory made her way to her mom's grave with Finn following closely behind her. They had done this exact thing two years ago after Finn's graduation, but instead they were visiting Madison. They had sat down and just talked, like they planned on doing today.

She knew that her mom was with her. She may not be with them physically anymore, but she carried her mom's spirit with her everywhere she went. Her journey had been rough, but made easier with Finn's help. She knew that she would never be like she was before, but she also knew that she didn't have to remain entirely broken; she could be happy about life while remembering her mom with loving fondness.

When they got to the headstone Rory sat down with her legs crossed in front of her. Finn sat beside her and she linked her arm with his. They sat, not talking, enjoying the quietness of the cemetery for a bit. The sun was out, but a cool breeze prevented them from becoming too warm. Rory leaned her head over and rested it on Finn's shoulder.

"I can't believe I have a condo in New York full of furniture and kitchen appliances waiting for me." The whole of her surprise was still processing in her mind. "I'm nervous."

She felt Finn nod, "It's okay to be nervous, it's natural. You are entering a new stage of life luv. You'll be doing things you've never done before."

"I still wish she was here, you know," she sighed, "to tell me what to do."

He nudged her, "Hey, that's what I'm here for now. You know I love to boss you around."

Rory grew sad suddenly. She lifted her head and looked at him, "Yeah, but I'll be in New York. That's a like a million mile away from New Haven," there was a melancholy tone to her voice.

Finn laughed. "Luv, it's only 50 or 60 miles. Besides, you don't need to worry about how far away New York is from New Haven. My father decided I needed to stop 'goofing around' and is letting me manage his New York corporate office, which means you don't need to worry about me not being around. In fact, I'm your next door neighbor. "

Rory felt herself grow happy again. She moved and wrapped her arms around his neck, effectively knocking him onto his back. "You don't know how happy that makes me." She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, a smile stretched across her face.

He, with a smile equal to hers, embraced her and held her tightly to him. "I know luv, it makes me just as happy."

She knew that she was slightly dependent on Finn, but she knew he didn't mind. He was there for here when she needed him and she was there for him the few times he need her. She knew that if it were for him she wouldn't be as okay as she was today. The thought of seeing him every day and living so close to him brought her joy. She knew that there was no one else she would rather have this close to her in her life.

He knew that he saw a bit of Madison's light in Rory; it was partially what drew him to her. He felt so much better about life when she was around. He knew that telling any other girl that he was following them to New York and moving next door to them would have them freaked out, but not Rory. She always enjoyed having him around and never made him feel unwanted. She had grown a lot since her mother's accident, and he was happy to have been able to be there with her and for her.

They both knew there was a spark of something extra between them. Neither of them had talked about it, but they knew it was there. Neither knew whether or not they would ever talk about it. They both feared ruining what they had and would rather remain friends than risk it. Only time would tell if they could ever be more.


End file.
